My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Drunk is not a location!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
