Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize