I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
