I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I forget how to act sober
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize