i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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