He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
