I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
now i know why i became what i already was.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
