I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
