i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
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On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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