You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
