Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
