you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize