the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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