Ketchup is God's man juice
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
