my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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