It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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