whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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