Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
