i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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