u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
