I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
