Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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