Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
