I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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