dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
