i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
