His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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