Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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