you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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