I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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