i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
