bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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