How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
