Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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