Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
