I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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