come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
