Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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