i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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