Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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