Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
jump out the window naked night went bad
that is very illegal...i love you.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
