Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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