chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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