I've blown a few things in my day
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
