At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
