If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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