Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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