No stitches, just platelets and will power
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
