Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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