i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
