I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
