6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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