I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
