Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
