I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
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My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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