Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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