I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I will die if light touches me.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
