it hurts more in the daytime
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I want a musical about memes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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