Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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