I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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