I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
