I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
