So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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