KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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