If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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