People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
