I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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