i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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