I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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