so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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