My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
