some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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