You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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