I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm having to shit out rocks
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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