I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
