So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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