Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
